Location, Location, Location



View from the inn of our tent

I realized last night, still in awe of my husband's incredibly touching guest post, that I had not yet written anything about our engagement or about finding our wedding location.  For most couples these two things would not be intertwined.  But for us, they were.  So the logical thing to do is to write about them in consecutive posts.  What's somewhat particular to us is that they're in the reverse order to what you'd expect.

Rich and I are practical people.  Not unromantic, but practical.  I had never lived with a significant other before Rich and knew that it wasn't in my plans to live with a man I didn't intend on marrying.  And, in my typical blunt fashion, I told him so.  Luckily for me he felt the same way.  So when we moved in together in May of 2011 it was fairly inevitable we'd get married.  Our hypothetical conversations about a wedding slowly changed from "if" to "when" and after living together for a couple of months we realized that we didn't want to wait too long.  And while we were comfortable discussing the practicalities of a wedding, neither of us wanted to spoil the fun and romance of an engagement.  Somehow we were lucky enough to achieve both goals.


Just married - beautiful lake in the background

As any realtor or house hunter will tell you, the three most important things about a home are location, location, location.  And for us the same could be said about our wedding.  Choosing the right location was very important.  Knowing we were getting married it took us about five minutes to come to the conclusion that we both wanted to get married in Vermont. Rich no longer had family in his hometown of CT.  We knew we couldn't easily afford a wedding in my hometown of NYC - nor did we want our guests taking out a second mortgage to afford flights and hotels. And our current town of DC is just too darn hot for anything but a winter wedding.  Vermont, a state which we both love and where plan to live (again, in my case) someday, was the very obvious choice.  So, after a week in Northern New York in August of 2011 - though not yet engaged - we headed to Vermont to scope out some potential locations.  I had laid out an entire itinerary for the weekend consisting of four locations per day.  We only had one weekend to look that summer and wanted to make the most of it.  Our first stop was Shore Acres Inn in North Hero, along the eastern shores of Lake Champlain.  The driveway leading to the Inn is right off a main road through the islands and happened to be on the route of many trips from Vermont to our family house in upstate New York.  I must have passed it two dozen times in my years in VT.  I always thought it looked lovely but had never actually set foot on the property.  We knew the minute we did that it was the spot for us.  The lakefront was expansive and pristine.  There were 20 lakefront rooms with a New England, beachy feel.  And the innkeepers were a warm, wonderful couple who took pride in their beautiful spot.  There was a 9-hole golf course, tennis courts, kayaks and swimming dock on the property, which fit perfectly with our desire for our guests to spend the weekend and enjoy Vermont.  They also had Labor Day weekend available.

Enjoying our reception on the lakefront

But we had seven other locations to see.  Just like you can't buy the first wedding dress you try on or the first house you look at, you can't reserve the first venue you see!  So, we thanked the innkeepers and kept moving.  We went to two other places in the Lake Champlain Islands that day.  Neither held a candle to Shore Acres.  It had everything we wanted.  But we still had so many places to see!  Could we really commit without seeing the other locations?  Rich was convinced we could.  But that's his way. He's the decisive one in our relationship.  I'm the one that needs a little more time to make sure I'm making the right decision.  I'm still a pretty decisive person (except when it comes to a menu of any kind, as Rich will readily tell you) but I just need more time than he does to make big decisions.  But, convinced Shore Acres was meant for us, buoyed by their Labor Day weekend availablity (and slightly terrified someone else might snag it if we waited!), we called and put down a deposit and held a block of rooms.  It was that simple.  We were done!  And the bonus was the rest of our weekend was now free to enjoy Vermont, which we happily did.

Rich left Vermont that Monday morning while I stayed for work.  That night, I drove back to the Islands and met my mom for dinner to show her the spot we had chosen.  Because we weren't yet engaged, we decided to only tell our parents we had chosen a location.  Everyone else could wait until the engagement, even our close friends and our parents close friends.  So as my mother and I sat at the Shore Acres Restaurant for dinner that night, I swore her to secrecy.  Told her she could share this news with even her best friends.  What I didn't know was she was already keeping a secret of her own....

The unbelievable sunset on the night of our wedding

Guest Post: Rich's perspective on THE dress

Below is my husband's guest post which he volunteered to write about his perspective on my dress. Completely unedited by me.  I expected it to be filled with musings on the cranky mood I'd get in each time it was a dress shopping (or fitting) day.  Or how he learned what ruching is.  Or how he diligently set the DVR to record countless dress shows.  Just generally a lot of good-natured poking fun at me.  But he went an entirely different way. No photos necessary on this one.  Tissues may be, though (they were for me!). 

I'm a very lucky gal:

I suppose every couple is slightly different in how they plan a wedding. Some grooms are assigned a few day-of-the-event tasks by their bride, some just have to show up. From the beginning Kate and I agreed we didn't want that. I felt like planning the event was just as much my responsibility as hers. So we shared responsibility for some tasks (venue selection, rentals, catering). For others, one of us in charge of the things we do best. My wife's style and crafting ability is well documented on this blog so the big decisions of color and decoration were hers. I make my living as a designer so all printed material was up to me. But even when one of us was assigned the lead on a task, the other was right there offering feedback. Our wedding was definitely a partnership.

 

Except for one thing. The dress. Wait, I said that wrong. THE dress. Ladies, after months of coordinating and agreeing on everything else, you should know that it's a bit of an odd experience to be cut out of a major event. It's especially odd because we didn't make a habit of sharing things like fork selection or early invitation concepts with our friends. Meanwhile, as a groom you get the sense that dress pictures are swirling around as her mother, my mother, heck my father, her friends, and all of the women between ages 15 and 50 in the DC metropolitan area see pictures of your bride in various dresses. It was a struggle for my personality to decide which way to run with it. On the one hand I'm innately curious (nosy) and resourceful (sneaky) and I've never liked missing out on anything. On the other hand the various dress selection expeditions looked stressful and packed full of much trying on and commenting—not my favorite task. And for once I had a valid excuse to miss it completely.

 

Only now, two and a half months after the wedding I'm just beginning to understand why getting the right dress was so important to Kate. The entire time she had to worry about how she'd feel it in, and what other women would think about it. But mostly, she was worried that I'd like it. And that blows my mind. I guess she wasn't in my head when I turned around on the beach and saw her for the first time, and the thought that ran through my head was I had to be in the wrong place because there was no way this beautiful creature wanted to marry me. And she must have somehow missed the epic struggle I had holding myself together as she walked down the aisle. Her dress was simply perfect. It was a little vintage for her love of her family and where she comes from. It was a little sleek because she is, and always will be, a Manhattan girl. It was little understated because when you're smart you know it and don't need to show off. And it was elegant. Because that's who Kate is. And I'm the lucky guy who got to marry her.

THE DRESS

Me and my honey (and, of course, THE dress)

Every magazine, website, and television show has made it their duty to ensure that a bride understands the magnitude of the decision of finding THE dress.  I swear to all that is holy most of these sources are fairly convinced the dress decision is at least as important as the groom decision.  The right dress is the holy grail of the entire wedding planning process.  And heaven knows, it cannot be just A dress.  It must be THE dress.  And so it's not surprising that even the most level headed of us can crumble under the pressure of finding THE dress.

A month after our engagement, my MOH flew down to DC from Boston for the weekend.  We went to a dress shop recommended by a friend who had gotten married the year prior which carried the bridesmaid dress I had found online.  She tried it on and we agreed it was a winner.  And then, surrounded by white satin and lace, I succumbed to all the hype.  I tried on a ruched satin dress with a single strap.  Lovely, but not what I wanted.  And then two more - a beautiful raw satin dress with a full skirt and rose bud detail and a lace trumpet dress with a flowered belt.  Both were beautiful and totally different from one another.  I loved them.  Both.   One, the satin one, was exactly what I thought I wanted.  I thought it would look beautiful at our venue.  The other, the lace one, was stunning and different than anything I had ever seen.  Modern, yet vintage.  But I wasn't "really" looking that day.  Just essentially playing dress-up.  I would wait another month until my mom came to visit.

The on-sale David's Bridal option

When mom did come town she and I went back to the same bridal shop along with Rich's mom.  I put the three dresses back on for them.  They both agreed it was clearly between the second two.  Mom and I had another appointment that day at a fancy shop in Georgetown.  We walked in and they started pulling dresses without even discussing our budget.  This made me nervous.  I had seen enough bridal shows to know the cardinal sin of dress shopping is to try on a dress you can't afford.  I used this same tactic years before when buying my first road bike and understood exactly the rationale.  So, in the midst of undressing, I piped up "Um, should we talk budget before I try these on?".  The salesgirl responded cheerily, "Oh.  All of our dresses are between about five to ten thousand".  Oh indeed...  Mom and I looked at each other, smirked, shrugged, stifled a giggle, and I kept undressing.  Five thousand was well over my budget.  But we were there, so why not.  The good news was that the five dresses I tried on couldn't hold a candle to the two back at my little shop in Virginia.

The expensive DB option

Before I was ready to commit though, I decided the wise decision would be to investigate the options at David's Bridal.  I had nothing to lose and figured if I could find a pretty, cheaper option, why not?!  My MOH had found her beautiful dress on the clearance rack there for a steal.  So, with two willing and helpful local friends in tow, we hit the store.  Unlike my previous experiences, this was a much more hands-on situation.  We dug through the racks and found dresses that could possibly look nice on me and dragged them to a dressing room.  Two were pretty nice and one of them was on sale but in the end, I couldn't bring myself to make the decision of my dress based on price.  I had bought into the hype.  It's my DRESS!  I can't make Such an important decision based on price!!  It's as if someone suggested that maybe I should marry Rich because rent would be cheaper.

In the end - and after much contemplation - I chose the lace trumpet dress from Katherine's in VA.  It was the dress that I thought looked best, that I knew my mom and Rich's mom liked best.  But most of all, I chose it because I thought that of all of them, Rich would like it best.  It also helped that I had a wonderful experience with the shop.  That's something that I definitely hadn't thought about but was wildly important.  From the time I first tried on the dress until my last fitting I had lost fifteen pounds.  I knew I would and I did.  But it did mean that my body changed and that the dress needed to change too.  In the end the seamstress at the shop brought the dress in a full two sizes and every piece of lace, every bit of trim was perfect.  It took three fittings but when it was done it was gorgeous.  And if I hadn't gotten my dress from a wonderful bridal shop, I'm not sure that would have happened. 

Waist detail on THE dress

And looking back today, I'm happy with my decision and loved my dress.  It was unique but classic, fit with our venue and flattered my figure.  The strangest part though is that sometimes, deep in the back of my brain, I still wonder if I chose the right dress.  Intellectually I know I did.  When I look at photos I know I did.  When I heard all of the genuine compliments from friends and family, both in person and from those who had just seen photos, I know I did. But there is something about the hype around it all, the magnitude of the decision (however artificial), that leaves me with a little voice in the back of my brain wondering if there was something better out there, something I hadn't tried on.  And I guess that is a lesson in itself.  Because of all the hype and all the pressure to choose THE dress, no one ever really tells you that there is no ONE dress.  There are lots of dresses.  Lots of good options.  But eventually a decision has to be made and the most you can hope for is that you're happy with your choice and have a good experience in the process.

Bustling THE dress

Note:  And just to show what a ridiculous, consuming process the dress hunt really was, my next post will actually be a guest post from Rich, sharing his perspective on the whole experience.  It should be interesting!

Dresses, Dresses and Colors Galore!

Our tent in the midst of being decorated

Few things about our wedding planning process were easy.  Two of the things that were fairly easy were our wedding colors and the bridesmaid dresses.  At first I thought colors would be daunting, with all the colors of the rainbow to choose from (and infinite combinations!).  But when I really stopped to think about it, there were certain colors I was instantly drawn to.  When I was the Maid of Honor (MOH) in my bestie's wedding, I kept a little box in my apartment filled with wedding ideas I found and would bring the contents to her on each visit to her in Boston.  Among the contents of the box was a catalog of J. Crew bridesmaid dresses, with a collection of dresses in green and cream on the cover.  I loved the combination.  I thought it was elegant yet fun.  And four years later, when planning my own wedding, I remembered that image and decided that the green/cream color combo was strongly in the running. Green is also a nice unisex color, which I thought Rich would appreciate. But I also loved photos I found f bright color palates.  We were having a late summer wedding and I thought bright colors would also be a fitting option - red, fuchsia, orange, yellow.  I was having four bridesmaids (or so I thought) and thought I could give each of them one of the colors.  They could each wear the same style dress but in a different color.  But the more I thought about it, I was drawn more to green and cream.  Rich agreed so I was sold. 



Bridesmaid dresses in action



So I instantly started the search for the perfect green bridesmaid dress.  Undeterred by the fact that I had yet to buy my own dress, I scoured the internet to see what I could find.  I was in a good friend's wedding two summers before and she had chosen beautiful bridesmaid dresses from Alfred Sung  (it's a beautiful eggplant color and I've worn it at least 3 times since and gotten compliments each time!).  I decided to start my search there.  I filtered by "green" and within a grand total of 10 minutes, found the dress.  It's fun, classic, unique and would flatter the body type of each of my fab bridesmaids.  One of my bridesmaids happened to be on gchat at the time so I sent her the link and asked her opinion.  She agreed it was a great dress.  After convincing me she wasn't "just saying it" to be a good bridesmaid, I sent the link to the other girls.  Everyone agreed they were great.  And I even liked the "pistachio" green it came in.  My MOH was coming for a visit in a few weeks so we decided she'd try it on so we could check it out in person.  Once again, we were sold.  The dresses were done.  Winner!  I then ordered a yard of the fabric, which I figured I could put to good use.  I sent a small swatch to each bridesmaid, gave one to my mom, one to Rich's mom, put one in my wallet and gave a few more to friends of my mom's who would be helping with various projects along the way.  I used that swatch a thousand times over the next year.  Keeping it in my wallet was a perfect place since I would have it with me even when I changed purses.  We used it to find the right PMS for all of our printing, during our trip to the hardware store for paint, finding ties for the groomsmen and a million other things.



Table decorated with green gingham runner, green hurricane
lamp, movable type 'R's & 'K's, apples and colorful flowers

 And as we chose decorations, I still wanted a little "pop" of color.  And I decided that I could take my love of the red/orange/fuchsia/yellow palate and incorporate it carefully into our design.  I decided my bouquet and Rich's boutonniere  would be colorful.  I also found fabulous paper lanterns on a Vermont wedding site being sold in just the right colors.  For $20 I scored 10 large lanterns and about 40 small ones.  I wasn't sure what I'd use them for but I figured they were worth the price.  We also decided that we'd have colorful napkins.  Our linens would be green or white, and the colorful napkins would be the perfect pop of color along with the flowers on the tables.

So in the end, I got everything I wanted and Rich and my bridesmaids were pleased - cute dress, great color and ideal accent colors to keep it all fresh and fun.  All in all, I think both or bridesmaid dresses and our color choices helped us continue to strike just the right "tone" for our wedding, which made us very, very happy.